29 January 2007

Rod Appreciation Day

I neglected to recognize FIG NEWTON DAY on January 16th. The country's second best-selling cookie is celebrated on this day in NEWTON, MA, the city that claimed rights to the cookie's name when it was first invented. The other town competing to claim nameship rights was SHREWSBURY. The nation should be thankful that SHREWSBURY did not win because: 1) it would be a FIG SHREWSBURY and that sounds weird, 2) it would be a FIG SHREWSBURY and by the time any kid told his neighbor what he brought in for snacktime, everyone would already be done eating and snacktime would be over, 3) it would be ghetto and might as well be called FIG WORCESTER or FIG SPRINGFIELD, two cities that are on the nation's Top 50 Crime Watch List.

I would like to not neglect to recognize Rod Appreciation Day, which I motion to be January 28th for the next X number of years that I remember to celebrate.

The rod in my main closet collapsed today. All of my clothes, consequently, were crumpled on the floor. I am currently procrastinating bedtime because I have two very large piles of clothes on my bed that I need to move elsewhere. That shit is *heavy! I considered sleeping on my air mattress tonight but that also requires more work than I would voluntarily subject myself to late on a Sunday night.

It made me think of other rods in my life that I don't appreciate enough. How about the toilet paper dispenser rod? Where would you put the roll otherwise? On the floor (gross), on the sink (potential wetness - sick*), on the tank behind (must reach). Until last week when I spotted one hanging on a shelf in the drugstore, I don't think I have ever thought about where I could purchase one. I bet that everyone our age has purchased one toilet paper dispenser rod... at most. And I bet that with the same amount of confidence that everyone our age has been overly-curious at least one time on the airplane and played with the airphone... and was not able to put it back into its slot without the help of a parent or a flight attendant.

What about the foot rest rods on a stool? Or the rungs on a ladder? (That would be awfully incovenient to be missing, now wouldn't it.)

Happy Rod Appreciation Day, friends. Don't under-estimate the importance of its existence.

Give a howl for the dowel!

24 January 2007


Akon. Quite the lyricist.
He is dirty dirty.
But I can't stop singing his songs!
Hopefully, that does not make a statement about me.

15 January 2007

"Where did you go, my lovely?"

"... I want to know... "

I'd like to know myself. Hiatus since just before the New Year. Perhaps I was waiting for the true BANG! entry-- I know; I have kept all you readers at the edge of your seat (all 3 of you), nervously refreshing your browsers wondering whatever became of the clever fool. Did she make it into the New Year after all?

I did. And I can't say I have done anything ground-breaking, but somehow my time has been solidly occupied.


As I have decided with a [few] friends recently, I sure have rung in the New Year doing an awful lot of sitting. In fact, it is a known AND proven fact that I officially sit more during the day than I sleep at night. And then when I have a chance to not sit, like on the train, I instinctively fight for a seat. I'm afraid Flavorpill might be right. About a year ago, I looked through one of the quirky polls that Flavorpill likes to feature. Well one time, the poll was: "How can you tell you're getting old?" And one of the options in the drop-down was, "Sitting is awesome." And frankly, as much as I try to deny it, I have recently found myself genuinely finding sitting to be awesome.

I do my best to be more reserved about my sitting habits though. Like, standing the whole time through my AA meetings. And standing through all of church services, even when Father asks us to be seated. And standing when I eat. But I do fight for a seat on the train.


For a few moments almost two weeks ago, I was nearly certain a heavenly voice would somehow interrupt my 'streaming' to tell me that I had "reached the end of the You Tube Universe" and that I should turn around and go back. I had never been so lifeless and obsessed with clicking around and searching for quirky videos that I : 1) was curious if anyone had made but didn't really think they existed-- no, this did not include porn, or 2) had watched when I was, say, four-years-old, and danced to in my living room.

Needless to say, I lost about seven years of sleep and aged two years in my midst of navigating this Universe. Or maybe the other way around...

Formulating more opinions

Several of my friends were sitting around over the holidays (sitting is *awesome*), and we were talking about blogging.

Friend: "Apparently there's this guy my friend knows who's a professional blogger. He must have a lot of opinions."

And this came out right after I had revealed that I had a blog, shameful as the actual site might be to true bloggers. So the question I often ask myself is: am I really opinionated? Well... yes, but who isn't?

1) It's so much fun! The best part about being opinionated on paper is that no one can argue with you. And if they do in response to your blog-- you have the rights to just delete it! It's like creating your own community and manipulating all possible comments so that everyone agrees with you (reference: delete comments). It's almost like writing a paper for school and grading it yourself-- A+ student!

2) It's easy. It's black and white. "You like the movie, you live-- You miss the train, you kill yourself." Pick a side and go with it.

3) It's truth. Who doesn't have an opinion? (The correct answer would be the Swiss. But they actually remain politically neutral so that they can be the most opinionated people in the world. Haha, just kidding! -- See following section...)

And so, yes, I have been spending time thinking about things that I am opinionated about. I've thought of some, I think. Time for next section.

Filtering the formulated opinions

Yup, been doing this too. Not unique to this hiatus. I do it everyday. WE do it everyday. Multiple times a day. Just how daring and candid can we be? Would it be equivalent to having Turrets while walking around? Sudden and abrupt. Offensive and unfiltered. "I support the KKK!" Or, "I hate everyone who is fat. Including my boss." Or, "Anyone over the age of 7 who incorrectly spells the word, 'definitely' needs to be tested for mental retardation." Wait-- I might actually believe in the last point made...

Say I were to switch to the "New Blogger"-- the one that requires you to log in with your gmail address. Is that a step closer to being more daring and potentially being 'discovered' by, for example, a future employer? And would you write about the same things? Hmm... I wouldn't. And that's the most honest thing I have written thus far in Bandwagon history.

I'm tired. So. That's what I've been doing.

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