02 May 2006
Bandwagon Venting
My anticipated self-reaction to this post is simple : heartless, juvenile, unwarranted. But if somehow, someone who is reading this can answer my question convincingly, I will gladly remove this post which I expect to depict a harshly judgmental person who should be shamed for scrutinizing the socially inept. So here it is : How does someone grow up to be annoying? The question is Simple. Prosaic. ... Challenging. There are people who are annoying for various characteristics they might have-- like being overly-chatty, or loud, or officious... but what about those folks who don't have one particular overriding annoying quality? Any manner you would attempt to describe him/her leads down the road to the word "annoying". You feel bad. You feel judgmental. But you feel good in a way. And even better with each additional hint of convinction in your voice when you announce it : "He's a-NNOYING."
I have recently had intensified encounters with someone who has such an incredible talent to be annoying, it makes my skin ache. It radiates like the Doppler-effect as he approaches to initiate conversation at a party to the point where your brain pulsates like a loud firedrill test on a day when you're hungover. You just can't escape.
This has made me a smarter person-- more elusive, more sly, more flexible-- I find myself thinking of ways to get out of interactive situations. Even hypothetical ones that would never happen. (Or could they? since he has a tendency to just show up in unexpected places).
For example:
"Wanna play catch?"
"... Sure."
I then sacrifice my pride of being a decent athlete by throwing the ball very hard and very off-target so that it goes rolling down the flat field with unchaseable momentum. I lie down in the grass and rest some. Approximate buy time : 10 minutes.
"Surprise, I am sky-diving on your plane too!" He pops out from behind a large backpack.
"... Great."
On the way down, I risk my life by pulling my chute 5,000 ft higher than I should so I can drift in the middle of the sky for about a mile longer. Approximate buy time : 1 hour.
"Want to be in my insurance- company- simulation group?"
"... Okay."
I volunteer immediately to play the role of the broker and leave the table to "generate business". Approximate buy time : How much time is alotted to the group activity?
"Do you wanna get a drink?"
"... Sounds good."
I offer to get the drink but passively wave two quarters at the bartender to get her attention so that she does not help me. I act impatient. He comes over to ask what is taking so long and I suggest that he give it a try as he might have better luck. I step far off to the side so as to not get in the way. Approximate buy time : 15 mins + 7 mins = 22 mins.
I have recently had intensified encounters with someone who has such an incredible talent to be annoying, it makes my skin ache. It radiates like the Doppler-effect as he approaches to initiate conversation at a party to the point where your brain pulsates like a loud firedrill test on a day when you're hungover. You just can't escape.
This has made me a smarter person-- more elusive, more sly, more flexible-- I find myself thinking of ways to get out of interactive situations. Even hypothetical ones that would never happen. (Or could they? since he has a tendency to just show up in unexpected places).
For example:
"Wanna play catch?"
"... Sure."
I then sacrifice my pride of being a decent athlete by throwing the ball very hard and very off-target so that it goes rolling down the flat field with unchaseable momentum. I lie down in the grass and rest some. Approximate buy time : 10 minutes.
"Surprise, I am sky-diving on your plane too!" He pops out from behind a large backpack.
"... Great."
On the way down, I risk my life by pulling my chute 5,000 ft higher than I should so I can drift in the middle of the sky for about a mile longer. Approximate buy time : 1 hour.
"Want to be in my insurance- company- simulation group?"
"... Okay."
I volunteer immediately to play the role of the broker and leave the table to "generate business". Approximate buy time : How much time is alotted to the group activity?
"Do you wanna get a drink?"
"... Sounds good."
I offer to get the drink but passively wave two quarters at the bartender to get her attention so that she does not help me. I act impatient. He comes over to ask what is taking so long and I suggest that he give it a try as he might have better luck. I step far off to the side so as to not get in the way. Approximate buy time : 15 mins + 7 mins = 22 mins.
